Friday, December 18, 2009

My Future Business Plans

The greatest ideas are often born from the darkest moments.

Let me set the scene: Myself driving down the 400 toll at 11pm last night. I sat there knawing pensively on my stale and microwave induced rubbery pizza that I shiftly stole from the breakroom at work. I found myself looking around my car, which after a looooong work week of 12-16 hour days, was filled with greasy take-out bags and crumpled wrappers. My moment came as my hand slowly crept to the bag wondering if just maybe, hopefully, I could find a little fried hitchhiker to munch on. And then it hit me in a brilliant, blinding flash of blazing creativity; I'm going to set up a drive through in the toll booth!

The Business Model
Step one: I need an "in" into the tolling community so as to network my way into a toll booth job.
Step two: Begin work as a tollbooth worker. Fly under the radar at first, no rocking the boat. Just be the best damn tollbooth worker I can be. Meanwhile, begin to get a handle on the market; needs, interests, food cravings....a toll poll! haha!
Step three: Start small possibly something similar to a lemonade stand set up, of course all depending on the polling results (refer to step 2). But innocent, small scale so as not to threaten or raise suspicion among the other toll workers.
Step four: Begin generating some serious street cred, possibly a need for more workers at this point, look into expanding my booth.
Step five: Bring my business to a key franchise company and before you know it I will have the busiest Chik-fil-a/Chinese food/sandwich shop in the entire Southeast.


Plan to commence after the holidays. I'm going to be so freaking, fantastically, fabulously rich from this scheme.

*Yep that's ME in the tollbooth. Thank you Anne for helping this amazing image to come to fruition, and introducing me to photoshop. This blog is about to get a lot more awesome!

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Worth Every Scratch

Thank you Target for providing me with the Cat-Elf outfit. It truly was a Christmas miracle!

Friday, December 11, 2009

A Christmas Story

My Christmas cookie story. Every year I am forced into cookie swapping servitude. My work mandates full participation in their holiday cookie exchange, and despite my loud protesting every year I am sucked into the madness that is baking. I do not belong anywhere near an oven. I have been known to start fires making anything from chicken, to boiling water, to even hummus (yes I realize that hummus does not even require a heat source). Don't misunderstand, I really do love to cook, but it comes with a price. This year I decided to make my life as easy as humanly possible and find the simplest most idiot-proof cookie recipe out there.
I was assigned to make a lemon cookie.....

Lemon cookie shown in recipe

My Struggle

The Wax Paper Setting FIre

The Smoke Filled Kitchen

The Finished Product

Friday, December 4, 2009

All I want for Christmas.... from yoooooou!!!!! (the song, get it?)

First week in December means the beginning of my Christmas shopping extravaganza! The first few weeks, I refer to them as the "warm up" involves me entering stores only to find a myriad of items for myself. Its astounding to me how much great stuff there is out there!!! I can only picture the fine intellectual specimens that sit in their plush office chairs designing these products while they think to themselves "yes, yes, why that will make a lovely gift. There must be hundreds, nay, thousands in the general public that will simply salivate for; insert one of the following items here (_____)

Not that great until you realize it doubles as a piggy bank

and who wouldn't want a set of action figures featuring broccoli and bacon?

Bring life to any party or social outing! I predict the mustache will be the "must have" accessory of 2010

Any hostess, especially me, would die for this clever cutting board.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

rain, rain go away (but only after I take my new rainboots out to play)

My day off was full on rain, rain,
and more chilly rain. My only
motivation for getting out of my
cozy bed was the threat of starvation,
and the promise that I could take
my birthday rainboots out on their
maiden voyage. Since Atlanta has
become the countries largest flood plane
boots are a necessary and a welcome
addition to my current 51 pairs of shoes.

What better way to spend my rainy day then
puddle hopping through the city???

Monday, November 30, 2009

Happy Thanks Gibbon!!

I swear this is my last post involving baby animals for awhile. I just couldn't resist combining the two things I love the most... puns, and baby animals.

My Thanksgiving was exactly on par with every other Thanksgiving at my house....
lots and lots of waiting around.

We were told dinner would be at 5.
but this was the dinner table and the corresponding time; please note almost empty wine glass

Poor Jake didn't make it

My strategy was simply to pick at the turkey till someone noticed. Someone noticed.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Damn, I got tolled

Currently, this little, seemingly innocent, contraption is the bane of my total existence. Everyday I feed the pavement with my nickels, quarters and dimes. It has left me in sheer panic as a realize I have lost my money to the ground, or misplaced my last dime, or to discover that I have accidentally wound up in the "exact change" lane when all I have is my crumpled dollar bill. I am the guilty driver who must put on the flashers and frantically press the help button until some toll god somewhere on the opposite end of that ancient looking call box takes pity on me.
Let the countdown begin:

T-MINUS 7-10 business days until my toll card arrives. Believe me, all the 6am commuters passing through the 400 toll are as excited as me.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Adventures in Tailgating

Tailgating at its best! I refused to play games all day; no beer pong or corn-hole for me. Ant time I even attempt at such shenanigans I make an ass out of myself. However, I thought flip cup would be fairly innocent; you know, lots of people to distract away from my total lack of hand-eye coordination. HA!!
Picture of the group directly before our first round..... and then the picture of me LITERALLY 45 seconds later.

as if everyone didn't see this one coming

Being soaked in beer was a little chilly so Lindsey generously "offered" to share her jacket with me. By offered it was more like forced to share and then forced to wander around with me hanging out her sleeves for almost 15 minutes.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Hanging with the cool kids

#1 rule of looking hipster in Atlanta: stand looking pensive in front of industrial background looking like you just came down with a wicked case of polio and/or scoliosis.

Dinner of Champion(s)

This post shall be dedicated the the marvel that is the instant mashed potato. It is truly unrivalled in the culinary world, and stands alone as a source of awe and inspiration to head chefs around the world. If you are very lucky, you may live near to a Kroger and then you can find the instant mashed potato in its most perfect form. The Kroger brand potato needs no milk, butter, oil or seasoning added to it, for it is already perfect in all its preservative and dehydrated form.

For a perfect pairing, add a slice of American cheese. I chose a scrumptious side of Morning Star Farms chik n nuggets as a side to complement my glorious potatoes.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

The newest member of my family

My 6 year old brother has been begging for a dog. He disappeared this past Sunday into the back yard, and when he returned he was dragging "Evan" behind him. He is now an official member of the family, eggcrate eyes and Bass Beer torso and all.

How to waste a tremendous amount of time

Just moved into my new place. The entire ordeal was exactly that... an ordeal. Moved from a nice little one bedroom into a two bedroom to share with my little sister. There was some serious miscommunication between us and the management, so we spent the entire first few days trying to move our stuff in around the painters in an attempt to rid ourselves of key lime green and electric blue walls.

So I spent forever agonizing of paint colors, literally raped the color swatch wall at Home Depot, and this is what I ended up with.

The first picture is my room before being repainted: and then my room after being painted. Except for a little more light do you notice the difference? Yep... me neither.